My main focus is to remain focused.

With this new year, focus is a priority. I'll be on to bigger and better things in only a few short months. Tomorrow marks the beginning of a new year. A new me. A me that is more comfortable. More confident. And I'm ready for it :)

I've never really been big on "New Year's Resolutions", but I figured this year I could make an exception. I actually have a few that I hope to keep to.

1. Be healthier.

    This sounds like a stupid cliche of what everyone wants for the new year, but mine has nothing to do with weight. It's more about just wanting to live a healthier life. This means less pop, more water. Less burgers, more wraps. Less t.v., more exercise. ...okay, the more exercise might be pushing it, but the other things I figure I'm not really giving up that much.

2. Continually strive for excellence.

    Not to the point of madness or obsession, but just always giving what I do my all. I know that this is something that I should be doing regardless, but sometimes I think "No one really notices when I give it my all, so what's the point?", but that's not true. I notice. I shouldn't have to try and impress anyone else. I should be proud of any work that I produce, whether others take notice of it or not.

3. Be more organized.

    Organization is something that I have always struggled with and really hope to overcome this year. Especially with going off to school, organization will be key. No more mom and dad reminding me to do something or where I put a certain paper. I'll be out on my own and I need to be ready for that. But I think I can be. I'm a lot more comfortable with going away than I thought I would be. I can do this.

4. Believe in yourself.

    This, as always, is important. I need to think more "I can do whatever I set my mind to" and less "Lets stick with something that I know I can do". I can do more than I think I can, and I need to start realizing that. I need to stop sticking with what's safe and take more risks. I am stronger than I believe and braver than I know.

5. Believe in others.

    I need to not be so afraid to trust others. I need to ask for help when I need it. Not all people are trying to hurt me, some actually want to help. It doesn't make you weak to ask for help. I tend to bite off more than I can chew, and instead of spitting it out, I choke it down. ....that wasn't as good of a metaphor as I thought it would be, but it works. I just play it cool, driving myself crazy when all I need to do is as for help.

6. Become stronger in my faith.

    If you've read my previous blogs, I'm pretty sure I mentioned that I'm Catholic. I rarely go to church anymore because my dad works late on Saturdays. It makes it hard to get him up on Sundays (his first day off) in time for church. I believe in God, and I pray, but I've noticed I usually only pray when I "need" something or am in fear of something. I want to pray to thank Him. I want to thank Him for this amazing life that He has given me. I want to pray for those who do not have it as well off as I do. I know I can do this is at home, and I do. But I feel like somehow I have a more direct line while kneeling in a pew. Sometimes I forget to thank Him for the little things, and I want that weekly reminder that this is all thanks to Him. That He will always take care of me, even if I think otherwise sometimes.

The big secret in life is that there is no big secret. 

Whatever your goal, you can get there if you're willing to work. 

-Oprah Winfrey

<3

You make me smile with my heart

Six word memoirs are my latest craze. It so fun to try and think of a way to say so much in so few words. Here are a few that I've come up with recently:

I was taught love was limitless.

Can a vegetarian eat animal crackers?

Commit to something - write in pen.

Normally, I've stopped reading by now.

They aren't very good, I know. But the last two are my favorite :)

So in my English/Comp Class that I'm taking through the local college, we had to write essays on what we were thankful for. I, quite honestly, hated the thought of writing this paper. What I'm thankful for? Really? Even at a college level, THIS is the best they can come up with? So, because I want credit for this class, I wrote the stupid essay. But I tried not to write about the normal things such as family and friends and food and whatever else. Not that I don't appreciate those things. I am extremely happy that I live in a free world where I have food to eat every day and a warm bed to sleep in at night. Don't get me wrong here. But, I figured my professor would get sick of reading pretty much the same essay over and over. Thus, I decided to mix it up a little bit :)

1) The movie Up.
      In case you have yet to see this movie, I will tell you that it is about a crotchety old mad and a very high spirited little boy. They end up together in South America and must find there way back home while fighting off a scorned explorer and trying to help a new friend, Kevin, find her way back to her babies. Yes, I know. Kevin is a girl. Anyway, this is the story about these two people and, honestly, I could watch this movie on repeat forever. It is quite possibly one of my all-time favorite movies and will always hold a special place in my heart. It never fails to make me smile and I believe that smiling is something that everyone should be thankful for.

2) Fruit Snacks
      Fruit snacks are the ultimate in snacking. They come in all kinds of shapes and flavors, from orange dinosaurs to grape Curious George's. Fruit snacks can do it all. I have never once heard a child say that they would not like a pack of fruit snacks in their lunchbox. If you don't like fruit snacks, you can leave my blog now and never return. Fruit snacks are the shit.

3) Heated seats in cars
      Although my mother hates them (she says they make her feel like she peed her pants), these handy little perks have been keeping keesters comfy cozy for those lucky few who remembered to shout 'SHOTGUN' seconds after stepping outside.. Lucky bastards. I personally do not have heated seats in my car, but golly do I wish that I did. You'd better believe that when I go new car shopping, this is a make or break item.


4) Saying "God Bless You" when someone sneezes
      This is a common courtesy that, I believe, is very much taken advantage of. If you sneeze, I say 'Bless You'. I honestly cannot help it. And if you don't thank me, I will take my blessing back. Your heart stops beating when you sneeze. That's why people need to bless you - so that sneezing doesn't kill you. Especially if you sneeze multiple times in a row. Ya know, I was actually named Mary Margaret in case I wanted to be a nun one day? So my blessings must have some kind of superiority over others... Okay, probably not. But it's a nice thought for me :)

5) Deep Fried Pickles

      Need I say more?

Well, I guess its time to start working on homework... Or not... Probably not.

<3

Title Shmitle...

I hate having to come up with a title every post... It's not as easy as you might think.

Well, it's been quite a while since I posted last, and I figured I'm not doing anything right now, so why not type on this keyboard something that I don't think anyone will read anyway. Haha. Wow, that sounded so negative... Oh well. I'm the kind of person that likes to rip the band-aid off fast.

So, lets start with the not so great parts of life right now...
1. Most of my friends stopped speaking to me when I decided I wasn't going to play basketball this year.
2. I didn't get on court for the pageant I was in for my town.
3. I have to give a speech in front of half of my graduating class sometime this week.
4. I have to write at least three essays still for my college writing class before next week.
5. I am not going to Florida this Christmas


.....that's honestly all I can think of. And it took me awhile. Haha.


Now on to the lighter side of life :) 
1. I am still with my boyfriend of 10 and a half months :)
2. I got accepted to the college that I fell in love with this fall.
3. My boyfriend got accepted there as well :)
4. My grades are amazing!
5. I entered a pageant for my town and was picked to be in the top 5 out of 12 girls :)
6. Through said pageant, I met 11 amazing girls that I'm so happy to now know. 
7. I am more confident than I can ever remember being in my entire life.
8. My boyfriend's grandfather is out of the hospital and able to stay at home now :)
9. I'm generally happy with the way things are going for me right now.

Given the things that I consider negative parts of my life right now, it's honestly not that bad. Sure, my friends don't really seem like friends anymore, but I figure if something as silly as high school can break us up, there's no way we could have stayed in touch through college.

There is one important thing that being in this pageant showed me, and that is that I have quite a bit of confidence, even if I don't always believe it myself. Going into this pageant, I knew absolutely nobody and would have to be judged in front of a large group of people. And ya know what? I had a blast. I can't even imagine not doing this pageant, not having met the girls that I did, not having the wonderful time that I had. This pageant showed me that I am strong enough. Thanks to this pageant, I no longer have fears of going off to college not knowing anyone. I know that I have the confidence and the abilities to go to college and be the person that I am.

I know I need to find a way to end this post, but I honestly cannot think of one, soo...
Schmoogle-dy boop.

Signed, Trust Me On This One

Dear thirteen year old self,
This year is going to be a big one, so here's some advice to help get you through it.

1.  Spend as much time as you can with family. It's amazing to see how fast they can be taken from you.
2.  Don't worry about drama at school. It all blows over eventually.
3.  Life's too short. Order the fries.
4.  Being 'popular' is overrated. Instead, try to be the person that's nice to everyone.
5.  Never give up on something that you're passionate about.
6.  Don't ever think that just because you aren't someone's first choice, that you aren't a great choice.
7.  It's not cool to sneak out. Nothing's open at 3am and its not like you can really brag about it anyway.
8.  Don't be afraid of change. It will make you a stronger person.
9.  Don't be afraid to express yourself. This world would be a much more boring place if we were all the same.
10. You may not be perfect, but you don't need to be. Flaws make you beautiful.
11. Don't ever lower your standards to make someone meet your expectations.
12. Kisses are like tears. The only real  ones are the one's you can't hold back. Don't waste them.
13. Accept challenges. If you win, you feel the exhileration of victory. If you lose, you've learned something.
14. Don't get good at pretending to be something you're not. Get good at being you.
15. If a boy truly loves you, he won't have to unbutton your shirt to have a better view of your heart.
16. Stand up for what you believe in or you'll fall for anything.
17. Be up to trying new things. You'll be surprised how much you can end up liking something new.
18. Don't be afraid to say you're sorry. Apologizing doesn't always mean you're wrong and the other person is right. It just means that you value your relationship more than your ego.
19. Appreciate things. The more time you spend complaining about your life, the less time you have to live it.
20. Don't assume the people you love know it. Tell them often.
21. Don't hesitate to help someone in need and never laugh at someone's misfortune. Karma  is something you always want on your side.
22. In your life you'll do greater things than dating a boy on the football team. The majority of them are douchebags anyway..
23. Always look before you fall.
24. Sometimes the funnest thing you'll end up doing is something completely unexpected. Don't fear the unknown.
25. Staying up late doesn't make you cool, it makes you tired. Get some sleep.
26. Remember to thank God for everything He has blessed you with.
27. Never let the fear of failure keep you from trying.
28. Don't feel like you always have to follow the crowd. There isn't anything wrong with having a backbone.
29. Learn to laugh at yourself before others have the chance to.
30. Everything happens for a reason and works out for the best.

Mantra

August is admit you're happy month.
August is admit you're happy month.
August is admit you're happy month.
Smile. Smile. Smile. Smile. Smile.
Laugh. Nod. Smile.
Cause big girls don't cry...

I.... I don't know.

"Did you ever notice how, when someone tells you that you've changed, its because you've stopped acting the way they want you to?"



Honestly, I feel like I've changed quite a lot this summer. I've become much more responsible, taking on all of the housework during the day while my parents are at work and helping with a tennis camp held by my coach. I'm much more family-oriented, spending many, many weekends with both my imediate and extended family. And I'm much more confident, meeting many new people each week and becoming comfortable with my body. I've even done something I've been scared to do for most of my life - get my hair drastically cut. I got six inches off! I'm so proud of myself! I'm closing in on my senior year and am convinced that it will be my best year of high school yet. Ever since I was little, I've wanted to become a teacher and this school-year I will be doing a share-time. This means I will spend half of my day in my regular classes, and the second half in a classroom as a teacher's aid! It's impossible to describe how excited I am to start with the little kids! I also hope to be taking pre-calc (as recomended by my cousin who is a calculus teacher) and am considering taking another art class.

But, with all of these changes has come quite the bit of drama...

Because my boyfriend plays tennis and will be nearly impossible to get ahold of for the first three or so months of school, we have been trying to get as much time together as we possibly can this summer. This was upsetting a few friends of ours and caused quite the chaos for awhile... The drama is over now, but honestly, I still don't see what the problem was in the first place. I understand why my boyfriend's friends were mad at him, they were mad that he wasn't coming to their Youth Group anymore. But I really don't see why my friends were mad at me. I mean, none of them ever asked me to hang out. And if they did, not once did I say that I couldn't because I was planning to be with my boyfriend. I honestly don't feel like I was really missed by anyone... I don't know... I'm really not mad about it anymore, but I just feel like I still need to vent my feelings about all of this, because, really, I have no one to talk to about it other than my boyfriend. I feel like I can't even have an honest conversation with my closest friends anymore... *sigh*.

Who knows, maybe its just me, but I really feel like I only have one friend anymore...

Untitled.

Sometimes when I eat M&M's, I like to hold two M&M's in between my fingers and squeeze as hard as I can until one M&M cracks. I eat the cracked one, and the other one that didn't crack becomes the champion. Then I grab another M&M and force it to compete with the champion in this deadly game of M&M gladiators. I do this until I run out of M&M's, and when there is only one M&M left standing, I send a letter to M&M's brand with the champion M&M in it with a note attached that reads: "Please use this M&M for breeding purposes."

Hot like wasabee when I bust rhymes

My water is still water...
I think I need a new strategy, this one doesn't seem to be working too well.

Also, because of my vast fascination with music, I think I'm going to choose a song of the day each day. Its nothing special, just a song that I currently have on repeat. Because today is the first day I'm doing this, I figure I can pick four songs, one for each post.

Songs:

Heartbeat - Stereo Skyline
Father and Daughter - Paul Simon
Hello Beautiful - the Jonas Brothers
Better Together - Jack Johnson
Street Lights - Kanye West
Do You Feel - The Rocket Summer

I know, I got a little carried away... That's okay :)

Dracula can BITE ME...

Needles terrify me.
As a kid, I would kick and scream and hide under tables in attempts to get out of getting a shot.
I even told a nurse once that I felt sorry for her. When she asked why, I told her it was because she was so mean that she must not have any friends.

I will repeat, needles terrify me.
But not enough to stop me from giving blood the second I was given a chance to after turning 17.

I'm not sure what compelled me to go down to the blood drive being held in our school gym that day. Maybe it was from all the statistics I've heard - "Just one pint can save three lives!" "You may have a rare blood type that could really help us out!". Or maybe it was just the fact that you got a free t-shirt.
Either way, I walked the empty halls down to the gym in a daze, trying not to think too hard about what was about to happen. Needless to say, by the time I got down there, I was shaking. Not just little shivers you get when you feel a cool breeze. Teeth chattering, foot-tapping, leg-bouncing nervousness. So nervous, in fact, that when filling out the paperwork, I accidentally marked 'Yes' on a couple questions that didn't even apply to girls.

After finally finishing the paperwork, getting my blood pressure taken, finger pricked, and finishing my bottle of water and crackers, it was time. I walked over to the medical bed, my free t-shirt clenched in my fist. The nurse put the strap on my arm and disinfected 'the area of impact' (I wasn't sure what to actually call the area on my arm where they stuck the needle).

Then came the hard part. I had to have the gym teacher and longtime family friend come over and hold my hand as she stuck the needle in. It didn't hurt too much, but I still had tears streaming down my face, mascara running all over. She then handed me the stress ball to squeeze, pushing the blood from my arm through the needle and to the little baggie. After finally being able to breathe normally, I began trying to squeeze the blue ball she had put in my hand. One problem with that. The ball was bigger than my hand and would fall out anytime I attempted to put the least amount of pressure on it. My nurse, who, by then, was not in the mood to deal with a first-time donor who was afraid of needles, was getting tired of having to hand me the ball back every few minutes.

After looking over my progress after about five minutes, she decided that it wasn't giving a sufficient amount of blood and would try for a different vein. As you can probably guess, I wasn't too thrilled with this new idea.
In the end, she would stick me with that damned needle at least four more times before finally removing it from my arm and telling me that I could leave...

Obviously, my first time donating blood is something I'll never forget. In the end, I walked away with a t-shirt that was too big for me, a bloody cotton ball taped to my arm, a bruise that lasted two weeks, a sticker, a resurfaced fear of needles, and a story to tell.

Most people ask me if I'd ever give blood again, given how my first experience went. Honestly, I don't even have to think about my answer. Automatically, it's a yes. Every time.
To think that I would let one needle prick, or however many it may take the next time, keep me from possibly saving someone's life... Is there even an option?

The sticker that they gave me when I was done said "I tried. Did you?". I know I'll try every time I'm given the chance. Will you?

Like Snickers, guaranteed to satisfy

My favorite animal is a kangaroo.

I'm not quite sure where I could possibly go off of this first sentence, but I figured it was worth saying. It could show up later on a pop quiz. Or, at least that's what my teachers always tell me. Then it never comes up...

Lately I've been thinking alot about the future. And not necessarily the near future. More like my wedding and future family. I've planned out pieces and parts of my wedding, how many children I want to have someday, and even their names. This is weird, right? I think its weird. Especially when I haven't even started to think about what college I'll be attending...

I realized earlier that it wasn't very fair of me not to describe myself at all. So, to please you, I decided that I will tell you 15 things that I think could be interesting to know about me.

1. I love hardwood floors.
2. I can't concentrate on conversation if the tv's on. My boyfriend can vouch for that one. Haha.
3. My socks never match. Except for one pair that I love so much, I am willing to break this rule for them.
4. In the summer, I always sit cross-legged in the car. I try not to do this in the winter and spring because I feel bad if I get the seat all dirty.
5. I love the smell of Play-Doh.
6. I really like photography, although I haven't had much of a chance to take many pictures lately.
7. I hate strawberry milk and whoever invented it.
8. On the other hand, I love chocolate milk and would marry it if I could.
9. I actually love making lists. Usually of random, unimportant things. So I'm loving every minute of this.
10. I sing almost as much as I breathe. Not that I'm very good at it... Haha.
11. I'm a major procrastinator. Currently, I'm using this blog to keep from working on my World History which I am quite far behind in...
12. I love surprises.
13. I am actually very observant and a good listener.
14. I always write down things that people say that I think are funny. Maybe I'll write a post with nothing but quotes one day.
15. I'm scared to make drastic changes to my hair. Like, really scared...

It was actually pretty easy to come up with random things about me... Probably because there are so many. Hm.. Well, off to do my work on my history while in my journalism class, haha. What a rebel, right? ;)

Two, two, what to do...

I'm not sure if I would rather die by burning or freezing to death. I know this seems like a weird thing to think about, but in a game of "Would You Rather...", it seems to be a common question. Not that I'm playing that game right now. Which, I guess, does not at all justify why I am thinking about it...

Maybe it's because I am freezing right now. Not quite to death, but enough to make it hard to concentrate on much else.

I have also spent much of this class period so far staring at my nearly untouched water bottle, willing it to turn into Sunny Delight. So far, nothing. I'll keep you posted.

Ohh, number one

This will be my first blog....ever. And I don't really want to start off with describing myself. After 13 years of school, I am tired of trying to think of new ways to describe myself. So, instead, I guess I'll just tell you about myself as I go.

The first thing that you should probably know about me is that I'm Catholic. If you know anything about the Catholic religion, you know that around this time of the year, we participate in Lent. This is where we sacrifice something important to us or we take on doing something daily for 40 days. In past years...actually, every year I can remember giving something up, I've given up chocolate. It usually made Easter about a million times better, knowing that I hadn't had candy for the past 40 days. This is the first year, though, that I have given up something other than chocolate. Being a 17 year-old high schooler, I gave up Facebook. My life-line to the rest of the world. As if that weren't hard enough, I've also given up all drinks except water. This has proven to be the hard part. Thus far, I have already bought myself pops, chocolate milk, and juices before realizing that I couldn't have it. And Lent only started three days ago...

On a completely unrelated note, I love compliments. Giving them, recieving them. I even like hearing someone else give one to another person. It's just a really nice thing to do that can make someone's day.

Anyways, I'm sitting here in my trigonometry class, wondering why I continue to write rather than taking notes on everything that I missed yesterday thanks to my 10 minute dentist appointment that turned into three hours. I guess I just like the idea of writing to someone I have possibly never met and will never meet... Ha! Wow, that sounds creepy. All creepiness (is that even a real word?) aside, I hope this isn't something I like at first than slowly fizzles into nothing...